One day, Joe, Bob and Dave were hiking in a wilderness area when they came upon a large, raging, violent river. They needed to get to the other side, but had no idea of how to do so.

Joe prayed to God, saying, “Please God, give me the strength to cross this river.”

Poof! God gave him big arms and strong legs, and he was able to swim across the river in about two hours, although he almost drowned a couple of times.

Seeing this, Dave prayed to God, saying, “Please God, give me the strength and the tools to cross this river.”

Poof! God gave him a rowboat and he was able to row across the river in about an hour, after almost capsizing the boat a couple of times.

Bob had seen how this worked out for the other two, so he also prayed to God saying, “Please God, give me the strength and the tools, and the intelligence to cross this river.”

Poof! God turned him into a woman. She looked at the map, hiked upstream a couple of hundred yards, then walked across the bridge.

 

The poor country pastor was livid when he confronted his wife with the receipt for a $250 dress she had bought.

“How could you do this!” he exclaimed.

“I don’t know,” she wailed. “I was standing in the store looking at the dress on sale. Then I found myself trying it on. It was like the Devil was whispering to me, ‘Gee, you look great in that dress. You should buy it.'”

“Well,” the pastor persisted, “You know how to deal with him! You should’ve told him ‘Get behind me, Satan.’”

“I did,” replied his wife, “but then he said “It looks great from back here, too.”

God: “Whew! I just created a 24-hour period of alternating light and darkness on Earth.”

Angel: “What are you going to do now?”

God: “Call it a day.”

Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl whispered to her mother, “Why is the bride dressed in white?”

“Because white is the color of happiness, and today is the happiest day of her life.”

The child thought about this for a moment, then said, “So why is the groom wearing black

Christian Pickup Lines

• You know Jesus? Me too.
• God told me to come talk to you.
• Did it hurt when you fell from Heaven?
• The word says “Give drink to those who are thirsty, and feed the hungry.” How about dinner?
• Is it a sin that you stole my heart?
• Do you believe in Divine appointment?
• Excuse me, I believe one of your ribs belongs to me.
• My friend told me to come and meet you. He said that you are a really nice person. I think you know him. Jesus, yeah, that’s his name.
• Yeah. I predicted David over Goliath.