At this church, every year on father’s day they would ask the fathers to stand up, then they would keep counting up in age until they got to the oldest father.

on this particular father’s day, there remained two men standing, and when the pastor called out the next age, the man sat down and remarked to his son “Rats, that guy beats me every year.”

 

A company held a contest for kids with the theme: The Nicest Thing My Father Ever Did For Me. One kid answered “He married my mother.”

 

Three boys on the playground were bragging about their fathers. One said, “My dad scribbles a few words, calls it a song, and they pay him 50 bucks.”

“Oh, yeah?” the second boy responded. “My dad scribbles a few words, calls it a poem, and they pay him 100 bucks.”

“That’s nothin’,” said the third boy. “My dad scribbles a few words, calls it a sermon, and it takes six men to collect all the money!”

 

A father and son went fishing one day. While they were out in the boat, the boy suddenly became curious about the world around him. He asked his father, “How does this boat float?”

The father replied, “Don’t rightly know son.” A little later, the boy looked at his father and asked, “How do fish breathe underwater?”

Once again the father replied, “Don’t rightly know son.” A little later the boy asked his father, “Why is the sky blue?”

Again, the father replied. “Don’t rightly know son.” Finally, the boy asked his father, “Dad, do you mind my asking you all of these questions?”

The father replied, “Of course not. You don’t ask questions, you never learn nothin’.”

 

Four expectant fathers were in a Minneapolis hospital waiting room while their wives were in labor. The nurse arrived and announced to the first man, “Congratulations sir, you’re the father of twins.”

“What a coincidence” the man said with some obvious pride. “I work for the Minnesota Twins baseball team.”

The nurse returned in a little while and turned to the second man, “You sir, are the father of triplets.”

“Wow, that’s really an incredible coincidence” he answered. “I work for the 3M Corporation. My buddies at work will never let me live this one down.”

An hour later, while the other two men were passing cigars around, the nurse came back, this time she turned to the 3rd man who had been quiet in the corner. She announced that his wife had just given birth to quadruplets.

Stunned, he barely could reply. “Don’t tell me, another coincidence?” asked the nurse. After finally regaining his composure, he said “I don’t believe it. I work for the Four Seasons Hotel.”

After hearing this, everybody’s attention turned to the 4th guy who had just fainted, flat out on the floor. The nurse rushed to his side and after some time, he slowly gained back his consciousness.

When he was finally able to speak, you could hear him repeatedly whispering  the same phrase over and over again.

“I should have never taken that job at 7-Up; I should have never taken that job at 7-Up; I should have never taken that job at 7-Up…

 

A Jewish father was concerned about his son who was about a year away from his Bar Mitzvah but was sorely lacking in his knowledge of the Jewish faith.

To remedy this he sent his son to Israel to experience his heritage. A year later the young man returned home.

“Father, thank you for sending me to the land of our Fathers,” the son said. “It was wonderful and enlightening; however, I must confess that while in Israel, I converted to Christianity.” “Oi vey,” replied the father, “What have I done?”

So in the tradition of the Patriarchs, he went to his best friend and sought his advice and solace. “It is amazing that you should come to me,” stated his friend, “I too sent my son to Israel and he returned a Christian.”

So in the traditions of the Patriarchs, they went to the Rabbi. “It is amazing that you should come to me,” stated the Rabbi, “I too sent my son to Israel and he returned a Christian. What is happening to our sons? Brothers, we must take this to God,” said the Rabbi. They fell to their knees and began to wail and pour out their hearts to the Almighty.

As they prayed the clouds above opened and a mighty voice stated, “Amazing that you should come to Me. I, too, sent My Son to Israel…”