An atheist was walking through the woods one lovely day, admiring the diversity and beauty that evolution provided. “What majestic trees, what powerful rivers, what beautiful animals,” he said to himself.
As he was walking along the side of a river, he heard a rustling in the bushes behind him, and when he turned to look, he saw a 7 foot Grizzly Bear charge towards him.
He ran as fast as he could up the path. He looked over his shoulder and saw that the bear was closing in on him. He looked over his shoulder again, and he saw that the bear was even closer. He tripped and fell to the ground. He rolled over to pick himself up, but saw that the bear was right on top of him, reaching for him with his left paw and raising his right paw to strike.
At that instant the atheist cried out “Oh my God!”
Time stopped. The bear froze; the forest fell silent. As a bright light focused, shining on the atheist, he heard a loud and Mighty Voice out of the sky,
“You deny My existence for all these years; you teach others I don’t exist, and even credit My creation to a cosmic accident. Do you expect me to help you out of this predicament? Am I now to count you as a believer?”
The atheist looked directly into the light and said, “It would be hypocritical for me to ask you to treat me as a Christian now, but perhaps you can make the bear a Christian?”.
“Very well”, said the Mighty Voice.
The light went out and the sounds of the forest resumed. The Bear dropped his right paw, brought both paws together, bowed his head and spoke,
“Lord bless this food for which I am about to receive from thy bounty through Christ our Lord, Amen.”
A Sunday school teacher asked her class why Joseph and Mary took Jesus with them to Jerusalem. A small child replied: “They couldn’t get a baby-sitter.”
A Sunday school teacher asked the children just before she dismissed them to go into the sanctuary, “And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?” One of the children replied, “Because people are sleeping.”
A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year old students. After explaining the commandment to “Honor thy father and thy mother,” she asked- “Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?” Without missing a beat, one little boy answered, “Thou shall not kill.”
In the hospital, the relatives gathered in the waiting room where their family member lay gravely ill. Finally, the doctor came in looking tired and somber. “I’m afraid I’m the bearer of bad news,” he said, as he surveyed the worried faces. “The only hope left for your loved one at this time is a brain transplant. It’s an experimental procedure, semi-risky and you will have to pay for the brain yourselves.”
The family members sat silent as they absorbed the news. After a great length of time, someone asked, “Well, how much does a brain cost?” The doctor quickly responded, “$5,000 for a male brain, and $1,000 for a female brain.”
The moment turned awkward. The men in the room tried not to smile, avoiding eye contact with the women, but some actually smirked.
One of the men, unable to control his curiosity, blurted out the question everyone wanted to ask. “Why is the male brain so much more?
The doctor smiled at the childish innocence, and so to the entire group said, “It’s just standard pricing procedure. We have to mark down the price of the female brains, because they’ve been used!”