*An elderly lady was well-known for her faith and for her boldness in talking about it. She would stand on her front porch and shout “PRAISE THE LORD!” Next door to her lived an atheist who would get so angry … Continue reading
Category Archives: Funnies
“If I sold my house and my car; had a big garage sale, and gave all my money to the church, would that get me into heaven?,” I asked the children in my Sunday school class. “NO!” the children … Continue reading
Ten Bible Pickup Lines “I’m usually not very prophetic, but I can see us together.” “You put the stud in bible study.” “Now I know why Solomon had 700 wives… He never met you!” “I didn’t know angels flew this … Continue reading
One mid-morning, the kindergarten teacher said, “If anyone has to go to the bathroom, hold up two fingers.” A little voice from the back of the room asked, “How will that help?” The preacher came to visit the other day … Continue reading
Recently, the first draft of the Book of Genesis was discovered. It begins: “In the beginning the world was without form, and was void. And God said, ‘Let there be light.’ And God separated the light from the dark. And … Continue reading
A little girl went up to her mother one day while holding her stomach and said, “Mommy, my stomach hurts.” Her mother replied, “That’s because it’s empty, you have to put something into it!” Later that day when the preacher … Continue reading
5 signs you’re at a bad baptism The Coast Guard is involved. Pastor wears scuba gear. The deacon board shows up with fishing gear. Just as the choir starts to sing, Paul Hogan jumps out of the water and wrestles … Continue reading
A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking around with a fly swatter. “What are you doing?” She asked. “Hunting Flies” He responded. “Oh. Kill any?” She asked. “Yep, 3 males, 2 Females,” he replied. Intrigued, she … Continue reading
A priest was being honored at his retirement dinner after 25 years in the parish. A leading local politician and member of the congregation was chosen to make the presentation and give a little speech at the dinner. He was … Continue reading
Actual Labels On Sears hairdryer: “Do not use while sleeping.” On a bag of Fritos: “You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.” On most brands of Christmas lights: “For indoor or outdoor use only.” On Boot’s Children’s … Continue reading
Son to his mother: ”Why am I so bad at math?” The mother’s reply: “Well you see, son, there are basically three kinds of people in this world— those who can count & those who can’t”. A Sunday school … Continue reading
Seven signs you joined the wrong church 1. There’s an ATM in the lobby 2. Karaoke Worship Time. 3. The church bus has gun racks. 4. The church staff consists of Senior Pastor, Associate Pastor and Socio- pastor. 5. The … Continue reading
A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six-year-olds. After explaining the commandment to “Honor thy father and thy mother,” she asked “Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and … Continue reading
One Liners 1. Two antennas meet on a roof, fall in love and get married. The ceremony wasn’t much, but the reception was excellent. 2. Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. One says, “I’ve lost my electron.” The other … Continue reading
Dear Diary, Last year, I replaced all the windows in my house with those expensive double-pane, energy-efficient kind. But this week I got a call from the contractor who installed them. He complained that his work had been completed a … Continue reading
A rookie police officer was assigned to ride in a cruiser with an experienced partner. A call came over the car’s radio telling them to disperse some people who were loitering. The officers drove to the street and observed a … Continue reading
Hymns for Drivers 45 mph……………..God Will Take Care of You 55 mph……………..Guide Me, O Thou Great Jehovah 65 mph……………..Nearer My God to Thee 75 mph……………..Nearer Still Nearer 85 mph……………..This World Is Not My Home 95 mph……………..Lord, I’m Coming Home and … Continue reading
Q: What’s the difference between God and a surgeon? A: God knows He’s not a surgeon. Adam was walking with his two sons, Cain and Abel. They were walking past the Garden of Eden. There were trees fallen, … Continue reading
A male driver is pulled over by a cop and the following conversation takes place: Man: What’s the problem officer? Cop: You were going at least 75 in a 55 zone. Man: No sir, I was going 65. Wife: Oh … Continue reading
The new pastor was visiting in the homes of his parishioners. At one house, it seemed obvious that someone was at home, but there was no answer to his repeated knocks at the door. He took out a card, wrote … Continue reading
One Liners “So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me, ‘Can you give me a lift?’ I said “Sure, you look great, the world’s your oyster, go for it.” If the professor on Gilligan’s Island … Continue reading