A guy, just new to the country, decides to go for a drive and enters the freeway. Minutes later Police and news helicopters are at the freeway broadcasting that some crazy guy is driving in the opposite direction of traffic. When his wife saw this on TV she called him and said, “Watch out, there is a crazy guy on the freeway driving in the opposite direction.” He then replies hysterically, “You think there’s only one?”

* How many charismatics does it take to change a light bulb? Only one since his or her hands are in the air anyway.

* How many Pentecostals does it take to change a light bulb? Ten. One to change the bulb and nine to pray against the spirit of darkness.

*How many tele-vangelists does it take to change a light bulb? One. But for the message of light to continue, send in your donation today.

* How many liberals does it take to change a light bulb? At least ten, as they hold a debate on whether or not the light bulb exists. Even if they can agree upon the existence of the light bulb, they still might not change it to keep from alienating those who may use other forms of light.

* How many Baptists does it take to change a light bulb? Only one, but then ten more will start their own church because they didn’t agree with the way the bulb was changed.

A man arrives in heaven. St. Peter asks, “Religion?” The man says, “Methodist.” St. Peter says “Go to room 24, but be very quiet as you pass room 8.”

 Another man arrives. “Religion?” asks Peter. “Baptist.” “Ok, go to room 18, but be quiet as you pass room 8.”

 A third man arrives. “Religion?” “Jewish.” “Go to room 11, but be very quiet as you pass room 8.”

 The man says “I can understand there being rooms for different religions, but why must I be quiet when I pass room 8?”

 St. Peter replies, “Well the Catholics are in room 8, and they think they’re the only ones here.”

 

Church Bulletin Bloopers

* Our next song is: “Angels We Have Heard Get High.”

 * The cost for attending the Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.”

* The sermon this morning: “Jesus Walks on the Water.” The sermon tonight: “Searching for Jesus.”

* The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been cancelled due to a conflict.

* Miss Charlene Mason sang “I will not pass this way again,” giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.

* Barbara remains in the hospital and needs blood donors for more transfusions. She is also having trouble sleeping and requests tapes of Pastor Jack’s sermons.

* Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM – prayer and medication to follow.

* Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door.

* Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.

* A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.