Recently, the first draft of the Book of Genesis was discovered. It begins:
“In the beginning the world was without form, and was void. And God said, ‘Let there be light.’ And God separated the light from the dark. And did two loads of laundry.”

 

Things to think about

 * I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of
natural causes.

* The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a
replacement.

* Have you noticed that since everyone has a camcorder these days, no one talks about seeing UFOs like they used to?

* In the 60’s, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is
weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.

* If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?

* If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that Acme stuff, why didn’t
he just buy dinner? 

* Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?

* Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog’s face, he gets mad at
you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the
window? 

*Why doesn’t glue stick to the inside of the bottle? 

* Isn’t “when push comes to shove ” actually the same thing?

Marriage

* Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.

* At a cocktail party, one woman said to another, “Aren’t you wearing
your wedding ring on the wrong finger?” “Yes, I am. I married the wrong
man.”

* A young son asked, “Is it true, Dad, that in some parts of Africa a man
doesn’t know his wife until he marries her?” Dad replied, “That happens in
every country, son.”

* If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every
word you say; talk in your sleep.

* First guy says, “My wife’s an angel!” Second guy remarks, “You’re lucky.
Mine’s still alive.”